YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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