is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
