i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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