the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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