dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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