the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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