I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
