Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
