I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
