This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
