Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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