They should really pass out barf bags in church
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
