well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
