yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
