to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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