real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
