Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
