i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
