i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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