the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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