I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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