I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
