youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
