Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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