if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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