Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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