the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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