If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
