so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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