Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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