Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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