a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
