its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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