who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
