you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
