She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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