Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
