i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
