I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
