You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
