Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
