don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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