i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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