Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I will pee on everything he values.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
