no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
