Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Send help, water and tortillas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
