this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you never un-have a 4some
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
