I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
