porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
