You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
