Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
