you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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