Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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