He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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