my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
