I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
NoShamevember. You game?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
